Honest question, how are you doing? It’s perfectly acceptable and even expected if the answer is “not great.”

We have this tendency in our society to mask when we are feeling low. We put our “best face forward” and push through and pretend like everything is fine even when it’s not. 

Let’s talk about BURNOUT. I think a lot of us are experiencing this and aren’t truly aware of it on the surface.

Because sometimes burnout doesn’t look like you think it does. It’s not always the feeling that you’re at the end of your rope or you’re going to have a meltdown or you’re going to collapse. Those are the early on warnings. Those are the times when you’re doing OK and then suddenly you’re not and your body/mind/spirit is screaming for mercy.

The more dangerous burnout is the one that doesn’t look like burnout. Because you’ve been going at a pace for so long that you don’t even notice the wear, but it’s there. It comes in the form of apathy toward your day to day. General malaise or dissatisfaction but not really able to pinpoint why. A growing resentment toward your partner, your friends, anyone whom you perceive is doing better or seems to have an easier life. You’re moody and angry and you can’t pinpoint anything causing it. Or, you’re completely numb. On autopilot. Getting through day by day.

Psychologists Ayala Pines and Elliot Aronson define burnout as: A state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by long term involvement in emotionally demanding situations.

It’s not just about your job. In fact, I think limiting the resources, advice, and symptoms around burnout to how you feel about work is a complete disregard of the very real and sometimes more damaging types of burnout.

These can be, but are not limited to:

• Caregiving of a parent/elder
• A difficult situation with your child
• Special needs parenting
• An unhealthy/controlling relationship
• Dealing with difficult family members
• Maintaining depression/anxiety symptoms

Any long term situation that is taxing on you mentally and emotionally has the capacity to induce burnout. Often, it’s more than one of these situations piled on top of each other.

I began to realize I was experiencing burnout after an extended period of time of experiencing:

• Inability to focus on personal and professional tasks
• Lack of desire to reach out to friends or text people back
• Repeatedly feeling exhausted with no discernable reason WHY
• Allowing the house to become messy even though that increases my anxiety

They say the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem. I find this process to be true in mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing, not just in addiction. It’s more of an across the board thing. You have to identify the problem and own it first and foremost, otherwise you’re just masking symptoms.

Once I discovered and admitted that I was experiencing burnout, there was a small but instant feeling of relief. I knew what I was working with. I knew what root cause to address.

If you are experiencing burnout, here are some helpful ways to alleviate it:

• Admitting it to your family and friends that have noticed you are off. TRUST ME, you and they will be glad you did and they will probably tell you they’re feeling similarly
• Allowing yourself the grace of only getting a few things (or even one thing) done in a day, you do not have to be a superstar right now, your body and mind need rest
• Scheduling time, if you can, away from what is burning you out. This may not be possible, I understand, but any shifts in schedule, however small, can start to break up that consistent stress and demand
• Seeking outside support – therapists, healers, etc. Or even outsourcing some of the mundane things that are adding to your burnout, like house cleaning or yardwork, if you’re able to.
• Supporting your body with healthy foods, lots of water, exercise, and sleep. Physical rundown only exacerbates emotional and mental rundown.
• Identifying any shifts you can make to your life and schedule to help alleviate this ongoing burnout
• Planning outings away from your normal day to day places to increase joy and gratitude
• Spending time in nature, breathing fresh air and grounding yourself
• Being compassionate with yourself, burnout is very real and difficult and you are allowed to rest and recover

If you are unable to alleviate this feeling of burnout, please reach out to your family and mental health professionals. You do not have to suffer this alone.